Feeling a little Daddy-sick :(

So I’m sure there are several factors that have led to my current sadness: 1. I’m writing Christmas cards, 2. this week/day has been pretty busy and somewhat crazy, 3. Christmas is everywhere!!!! 4. with Christmas comes hunting season (except in Manila because even though guns are everywhere, something tells me they aren’t used for deer) and 5. this is officially my first Christmas away from home…

However, I’m usually calm under pressure, optimistic despite the circumstances, and not homesick…EVER!  And I wouldn’t even say I was homesick now…sorry Edenites, no offense….but I do NOT miss “home” not in the slightest (now my second “home”…RTPCC whadduppp???...yeah, I can’t lie….I miss ya’ll a lotttt!!!!).  But tonight, I REALLY, REALLY miss my daddy…

Most of the conversations that I’ve had one-on-one with the girls at Safe over the past few weeks have been about how much they miss their fathers and how they just want to hear their voice and to make them proud.  The connection the girls are so longing for with their fathers puzzles me.  Despite how incredibly horrible their fathers were to them whether it was beating them, raping them, or selling them, the girls want nothing more than to be able to see their fathers in hope of somehow gaining approval.  They lose sleep at night crying and praying that they will be able to reconcile things with their fathers and have some form of a relationship with them again. 

Now I’ll admit, I’ve been slapped in the face several times over the past month and a half with the vast differences between the way I was raised and the opportunities I was blessed with and the girls at Safe.  But this difference slaps me over and over and over again...I have an amazing and loving and compassionate and Godly father who has sacrificed so much to give me everything that I could ever dream of wanting and more.  When I think about my favorite hobbies, my mind always goes to the things that my daddy taught me and the things we would always do together: camping, canoeing, hiking, fishing, and hunting.  The great thing about my daddy though is that he didn’t just drag me along to do the things he wanted to do. I would stay close by him and listen to his stories and soon his passions became my passions.  I found myself begging to go places with him and getting upset when he went without me.  Until, eventually, I had earned enough trust and proved my commitment enough for him to let me join him.  But I never came along without a step-by-step instruction lesson (“this is where you wanna shoot” (pointing to the mounted deer head), “here is a kill shot, it’ll break his neck and here will bust his jugular,” and my all-time favorite and most valuable one “before you shoot, take a deep breath, let half of it out, hold it and pull the trigger”).

I’ll never forget my first deer…we (just me and daddy) were sitting in the stand and had been for quite awhile when all of a sudden daddy taps my knee and points off into the distance.  We sit and wait for the deer to get closer as I slowly stand up and get ready.  I aim, then I aim, then I aim…until I look to my daddy to get the thumbs-up.  I take a deep breath, let half of it out, and pull the trigger.  Down he went, right where I shot him.  I was shaking with excitement as my daddy says “You’ve got deer fever now don’t ya?”  I was excited but my daddy was even more excited.  We went down to check out the deer…I got him right in the neck, exactly where daddy said to shoot and I broke his neck AND busted his jugular! “Good job Daffy-Roo” (SN: ONLY Daddy is allowed to call me that, DO NOT get any ideas…) with a high-five as he smiled from ear-to-ear. I have never ever seen my dad that proud…EVER (and I graduated from UNC-CH this past May…it still stands, ever). 

I loved that day! I loved seeing my daddy proud of me!  And I can’t help but think that God is the exact same way with us.  He doesn’t want us to do things just because He likes them. He wants His passions to be our passions. He wants us to be so close to His heart that our heart begins to sync up with His.  And then when they do, He wants us to be bold enough to ask for our desires and to trust that He’ll respond.  And then, when He begins to take us along, He gives us step-by-step instructions. And then, in the heat of the action, He lets us know that He’s beside us and will help to remind us if we start to struggle.  And then, He’s gives that huge smile of approval and saying “Well done, my daughter, well done.”

So I miss you daddy…but I thank you for being a wonderful example of God’s heart and love for His daughters.  You took time to teach me and show me things that you didn’t have to and those memories are more valuable than anything money could ever buy.  I’m thankful that you’ve taught me that even when you, my earthly father, aren’t close by that there’s an amazing heavenly father waiting with open arms to wrap His arms around me just like you would! I love you daddy!!!