For God so loved the world...

I grew up in church, attending and participating in Easter services since I was 3 months old and I haven’t missed a single one since.  I’ve heard the Resurrection story and taken communion more times than I can count.  I could quote John 3:16 by the time I was 4 years old. I gave my life to Christ when I was 7 but it took 15 years for me to fully understand what that meant and to completely comprehend how vast and incomprehensible God’s love is for me.  And yet, I have never been as overwhelmed and speechless at the thought of God’s love as I am right now as the Easter season begins yet again. 

Whether it’s because it is my first Easter away from home, the heavy atmosphere of Holy Week that is spread all across the Philippines, where I am in my walk with Christ right now or a combination of the 3, I’m not sure. But over the past couple weeks, I have sat in total awe and wonder that not only could someone love such a horrible sinner like me that He would send His only son to die a cruel and awful death for MY redemption and to pay the price of MY sin; but that He would call me to do something as great as telling others about that very love and sacrifice.  And it’s at that moment that the only words my mouth can utter is, “I can’t believe I get to do this!”

 I know I say that a lot but really, think about it.  He could’ve sent anyone, chosen anybody to do what I do everyday.  I’m inadequate, I don’t have the right skills or experience for this job, I’m not a fabulous speaker or writer, I’ve screwed up more times than anyone knows, I battle my selfish tendencies every day, I doubt God and the fact that He knows what’s best for me…nothing about me says that I should be here loving on these amazing girls and showing God’s love like this…NOTHING! But for all of my inadequacies, God makes up for them and then goes beyond anything I could ever imagine or dream.  This isn’t something I HAVE to do, He could’ve sent someone else…but He CHOSE me, and this is what I GET to do!

And so I sit overwhelmed by His love and grace and I say again…”I can’t believe I get to do this…”

Language Barriers: The Expected and the Unexpected

So, as one may assume, language has been somewhat of a barrier for me since I arrived in the Philippines since English is not the national language…I knew that before I arrived.  But even though the English/Tagalog barrier is difficult some days, I can understand a fair amount of Tagalog now and although I don’t really speak it, I can get around just fine as a lot of Filipinos can speak or understand some English.  However, there are times when talking with Filipinos (who are fluent in English) that conversations just DO NOT go the way you expect them to. And while sometimes it can be frustrating, when you are really trying to get a point across, most of the time it’s just downright hilarious…for example:

One day after working out with my trainer, I was talking to one of the staff members of Safe Refuge who is also my workout buddy and dear friend.  I was grimacing in pain from my legs as I sat down and turned to my ate and said: “Man, Jake really kicked my butt today. Did he kick yours?”  She looks at me with a very concerned and near horrified expression as she exclaims: “NO! Why would you let him kick your butt?!?!” After a few seconds, her exclamation registered in my head and I erupted into laughter and nearly fell onto the floor as I held my stomach and wiped the tears from my cheeks that my laughter had produced.  After I was able to compose myself I told Marybeth (one of my roommates) about the conversation. After Marybeth regained her composure, we explained to the Filipinas what the expression “kick your butt” means.  A collective “Ahhhh…” let us know that they got it.

So as you can see there are 2 barriers with language: 1.) Tagalog versus English and 2.) the millions of every day American idioms.  I was fairly prepared for those issues before I got here and I think I’ve tried to adjust my vocabulary accordingly. However, just recently, a new issue has surfaced between my 2 fellow American (who are from Florida, have NC roots, and speak English as their first language) roommates and me. Now whether it’s from my lack of sleep, the hours of Southern pastors’ sermons that I listen to, or if I’ve just now become comfortable enough to quit subconsciously correcting my words before they come out of my mouth…regardless of the reason, my southern side has apparently been making an appearance a lot more. For example:

1.) I was walking down the sidewalk talking to Marybeth.  “Have you ever heard of the Forward Conference?” I asked.  “The Forward Conference?” she repeated.  “Yes, the Forward Conference,” I confirmed. “No, what is it?” she asked.  I proceeded to explain the details of the Forward Conference to her.  Later that night, back in the apartment, I was showing Marybeth the promo video for Forward Conference on their website when she exclaims, “OH! FOR-WARD!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING FORD...LIKE THE CAR!!!” Some may call Southern English lazy because we like to combine syllables (like FOR-WARD into Ford) but I like to call it resourceful, no need to waste extra syllables on words when they aren’t really needed…except in cases like this, where they actually are needed…hmmm…

2.)  The other night, my roommates and I were sitting together talking about our mothers and some of the disciplinary techniques they used on us when we were growing up.  “Yeah my mom liked to use the flyswatter,” I said.  Marybeth laughed, “A glass of water?!?!” Naomi and I joined in on the laughter, as I repeated, “NO! A FLY SWATTER!” “Ohhhh!!! A FLY SWATTER!!!!” they exclaimed.  Apparently FLY (with a distinctive “I” at the end) is NOT the same as fly (with almost 2 syllables).  It’s okay though, I like my sprite, light, right, fight, and bright too…hehe!

Oh, the joys of being a misplaced Southerner, haha! I love my roots and I love even more that they go with me, wherever I go! So here’s to yall, my fellow North Carolinians…”North Carolina raised and proud: where summer starts in April, front porches are wide, and words are long; where “yall” is a proper pronoun; where we have lightning bugs not fireflies; where macaroni & cheese is a vegetable, pecan pie is a staple, tea is sweet, chicken is fried, and biscuits come with gravy; where everything is darling or precious and someone is always getting their heart blessed.”

"If I had it my way, I'd have every girl sent to North Carolina to learn 

to smile and talk with that accent that drives me wild." - Hank Williams

5 Mistakes I Seem to Make Over and Over...

I was feeling inspired by a sermon from Steven Furtick at Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC.  As I've posted before, I watch and listen online to several pastors across the US and Pastor Steven is one of them, technology is a wonderful thing! Some of these “mistakes” are directly from Pastor Steven (which makes me feel kind of relieved knowing that an amazing pastor of one of the fastest-growing mega churches in the US makes the same mistakes I do…just hope I can get some of the things right that he gets right too…) while others are my own, separate struggles that God is working through with me.  Maybe you can relate?

1.  Waiting for the destination instead of celebrating the journey. (Thank you Mr. Furtick)

I know those closest to me have to get frustrated at how I am constantly looking for the next step or needing answers for the future for quite some time now…probably since junior year of high school! I don’t know how they put up with me, honestly.  I get so caught up in figure out where I’m going that I forget where I’m at.  Now, I think looking forward and having a vision is important but when it distracts you from what God has called you to do NOW and it gets in the way of your current calling, then it becomes a problem…a problem, I’m all too familiar with.  It’s important to remember that the journey to the destination is what prepares us, strengthens us, and teaches us and without the journey, we’d never make it to the destination. With all that in mind, I'm slowly learning to stop and celebrate not only where I am, but where I've been.

2.  Thinking that I have to fully understand in order to completely obey. (Mr. Furtick, thanks again!)

This goes hand-in-hand with #1.  I am constantly looking for the final destination and every step that leads to that place that I get caught up in having to know every detail before I’ll step out on faith to start something.  I’m one of those people who has to read every direction from point a to point b before I’ll even leave my driveway or every step in assembling something before I touch the first screw…which doesn’t completely fit my spastic and spontaneous personality but nevertheless…it’s what I do.  I like to be in control of all aspects of what I’m doing and where I’m going and if I’m not, then complete panic mode sets in and I freeze like a deer in headlights.  A part of me expects something, like its my right to know what the God of the universe has up His sleeve for my life and that my sheep brain (in comparison) should be able to know and understand all the details of it.  Ironic that a SHEEP should want or expect to UNDERSTAND the plans and ways of an almighty, omniscient GOD?!?! Crazy sounding now that I put it that way, of course I'll never completely understand...but I can't let that keep me from obeying.

3.  Letting “swagger-jackers” steal my joy. (I could have never even acted like I came up with that one on my own so, really, thank you Mr. Furtick!)

It’s true, often times I find myself looking for approval and affirmation from others around me and if they aren’t as excited about something as I am, then before you know it, they’ve stolen every bit of enthusiasm that I had for it.  It’s IMPOSSIBLE to follow Jesus and make everyone around you happy…Jesus upset quite a number of people (which ultimately ended in His DEATH!) so if we’re truly following Him and trying to be like Him, then it doesn’t make much sense to think that we would please everyone along the way. But nevertheless, I oftentimes find myself falling prey to the words of others around me.  I try to remind myself that everything I do is all for an audience of ONE, because from that perspective, everything and everyone else fades away and all that remains is ALL that matters.

4.  Being skeptical and cynical instead of trusting and confident.

Skeptical--not convinced that something is true; doubtful; tending to mistrust people, ideas, etc, in general

Cynical-- distrustful or contemptuous of virtue, especially selflessness in others; believing the worst of others, especially that all acts are selfish; sarcastic; mocking; showing contempt for accepted standards of behavior, especially of honesty or morality

I often joke that skepticism and cynicism are my signature sins…but they really are.  I don’t know if it’s my generation, my personality, or the many times that I have put people on a pedestal and idolized them, only to watch them disappoint me when they fall.  Because they do fall, they ALL fall. Because they are human, we are ALL human.  And because humans make mistakes, we ALL make mistakes.  But regardless, of why I tend to be skeptical and cynical, I am.  My sister probably knows this best above everyone and can usually tell what I’m thinking as she talks about someone or something new.  I immediately start pulling it apart and analyzing why it CAN’T possibly be true or legit.  And while sometimes my feelings may be correct, a lot of times they aren’t and by that point, I’ve already reached horrible conclusions before even giving ideas the chance to thrive.  This one is hard to overcome, but one thing that has made an impact on me is being surrounded by people who are trusting and confident in not only themselves but others around them as well...it's contagious!

5.  Not believing that God loves me for who I am, instead of what or how much I do.

It’s easy to quote scriptures and know that God loves me unconditionally and in my head, I know it’s true.  But in reality, most days, my actions show that I don’t really believe it.  I run around from one place to another working and trying to stay busy, engaging in meaningful conversations, fixing this problem, loving on this person, praying for this and that, feeding the hungry, hugging on the broken, and so on.  And while I think God loves that I like doing that, He doesn’t love me any more for doing it or any less for NOT doing it.  Often times, I get so caught up in doing things that I forget what it means to be loved and that sometimes I just need to sit and let the lover of my soul talk to me and love me for me not for anything I’ve done or anything I will do, just me for me.

These 5 in no way exhaust my list of mistakes…I make plenty more…but thank God He doesn’t give up on me, even on my most stubborn of days.  And the fact that He’s chosen me to live a life that is far more amazing than I could ever dream of or ever come close to deserving, reveals just how vast and amazing His grace really is. Every day I stand in complete awe and amazement of Him and the life He has chosen for me…I can’t believe I get to do this.