so tell me what ya want, what ya really really want...

Just so you know, I haven’t forgotten about my blog…I’ve been thinking for awhile now of what to write but I haven’t been able to come up with anything.  While talking to my sister today via Skype, having a normal conversation, catching each other up on what’s going on in our lives and figuring things out and making plans…after she figures a few things of her own out, she says…”Wow! Look how much we’ve accomplished! What else do we need to solve?” My response (as it normally is), “My future.” Her very wise response?

“’What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while.’ James 4:14 Solved. Next.”

Now, maybe that was solution enough for some people…but I wasn’t buying it, not today.  I need a little more to hold on to, a little more concrete…a little less spiritual.  But she was determined to make me get it, so the conversation continued and it went a little something like this:

What should I do in this one second that will impact my next 5 billion years and others too? Are you going to regret it if your parents die and u were off in some other land instead of spending time here with them? So I missed them, for a second, but I get to be with them for 5 billion years, big deal!...God has our future and he said he has a plan for us.  Now, I believe he has great plans for us here on earth, but even if he doesn't, this is eternity we are talking about. Here’s where it gets tricky, this also means that God created us to do something in one second and are we going after what God created us for? What were we created for? We were made to llllooooovvvveeeeee!!!! And no matter if we decide to be a missionary in china where we could die, or a doctor in new york, or a huladancer in Hawaii, our calling is still to LOVE!

 Would God have made it so hard for us to do something and live somewhere so specific that we can't even figure it out and we end up worrying everyday if we are doing enough, when accepting Jesus and grace and mercy are so freaking easy??? I think we make it way more complicated than God ever intended. Why cant we just be and do what we love...so that by doing that we can love even more? Maybe just maybe, if we all really worked really hard to truly love God, read His love letters to use, do what we love and love everybody then we'd end up exactly where we needed to be, doing exactly what we were created to do and fulfilling God's purpose for our lives without all the stress of figuring out our futures.

So anyway, in an effort to convince ourselves of this, we decided to write down everything we wanted…and I mean EVERYTHING…and we were specific: from seemingly ridiculous wants like swimming with dolphins, getting my Droid back, hunting in Canada with my daddy, playing the violin, and going to Ireland to the more “serious” wants like seeing millions of girls realize their worth and beauty before they graduate high school, changing the world, to forgive people from middle school who impacted the way I feel about myself to this day, to be brave, to see miracles, to be heard, to see God move mightily on my behalf, and on and on and on the list continues…

I ended up with 6 pages of “wants” and I’m still adding to it.  I wrote them down, every single one, and as God answers them…I’ll check them off.  Because you see, every last “want” is important to our heavenly father. He gave us those desires for a reason…and who knows maybe I’ll have the opportunity to meet an amazing person while I’m in the Verizon store getting my Droid or maybe I’ll meet my future husband while skydiving or maybe I’ll have the opportunity to change someone’s life by smiling at them in the airport on my way to Ireland.  I don’t know God’s plans but I do know that we are constantly surrounded by the sacred and in every second, in every way, whether what we are doing “seems” to be divinely planned or not, it is and if we are looking for Him in every situation, then we’ll find Him and by finding Him, we find our purpose. So if you’re like me, floundering around ONCE AGAIN searching for the next step, I challenge you to write down your wants…every last one.

And then, we ended our conversation with this prayer. It’s my prayer for your wants as well…

Dear God, I am a firm believer that the desires of our heart were placed there by You therefore making them your will and, while feeding the hungry may be more important than going floundering or skydiving, that as Your children, You will move heaven and earth to make us happy. So here we are, joined together, believing in You for the impossible, telling You all of our hopes and dreams. We don't need a detailed map; we just need to know our Father has planned it out. We just need the next step.  We know You've already told us a million times but here we are again this time...learning to be quiet and to say that what You want for me is even better than all the wants I've said...we’re trusting in You for nothing but the very best!