Now, I must admit that under "normal" circumstances even when I'm in the US, I'm usually a cry baby. Just ask my closest friends, I guarantee you they've all seen me cry. It's just who I am. When I'm happy, I cry. When I'm sad, I cry. Even when I'm angry, I cry. Maybe it's the baby sibling in me, I'm not sure. But one thing I do know is that Manila has taken my crying issue to a whole new level!
Seeing the girls from Safe dance with joy that's only available from our heavenly father during worship, makes me cry. Hearing the cries and seeing the dirty little faces of street children and knowing that they are just being used and abused, makes me cry. Listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's stories at the lunch table, makes me cry. Experiencing the vast disparity of the rich and poor in Manila, makes me cry. Reading posts from my amazing friends back home who love and support me better than I could have ever asked for or expected, makes me cry. Missing RTPCC's Friend Day and all of the hype that goes with, makes me cry. Looking at pictures of my precious jellybean who is growing up so fast and who I miss so much, (yep, you guessed it) makes me bawl like a baby. Feeling so insignificant and ineffective when I think about the millions who are suffering yet knowing it's all worth it just for the one, makes me cry. Knowing that there's a God who is so incredibly great that He is capable of doing everything even when I can't do anything, makes me cry. Knowing that He is so good and loves every one of us so incredibly much and He chose to use me to show that love to others, makes me cry. Knowing that even amidst the pain and the hurt and the brokenness, that there is joy and peace and hope and grace and mercy, gives me a reason to smile again.
So to the water delivery boy that knocked on the door in the middle of my breakdown, I'm sorry for scaring the crap out of you. To my followers who were hoping for inspiration or something exciting to read, I apologize. To the people who I live and work with, you've got one huge emotional wreck on your hands...hope you're okay with that ;-)
I remember plenty of late night Wendy's runs on those bad days! Haha. I can't begin to imagine all of the emotions you must be feeling, but I know that you are more than capable of handling such tough situations. Just know that there are so many people on your side--cheering you on from many places, praying for you--and that the most important One is on your side! Just listen to some Hawk Nelson to get you pumped! ;) Love you and miss you!
ReplyDeleteawwww! wow yeah i miss those wendy's runs thats for sure :) thanks for the encouragement...you've always been pretty great at that! love and miss you too!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWOW great post. The attention that you are bringing to your cause here in NC is amazing. Here in the buckle of the Bible Belt people sometimes live in a bubble! God is using you in an amazing way! Your tears are just seeds! remember that you always reap more than you sow, and you never reap in the same season that you sow!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd as I read your post I found myself... crying. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing, your love and compassion is so great. I could never tell you in words how much I love you. I read each of these over and over and I cry each time. Not because I miss you, but because I am so proud of you. I never knew that when you were born that you would be doing the work that you are doing now. God loves you. My prayers are with you daily. Love you!
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