(Disclaimer: read the entire blog before you go and get offended)
Missionary: a person sent by a church into an area to carry on evangelism or other activities, as educational or hospital work; a person strongly in favor of a program, set of principles, etc., who attempts to persuade or convert others; a person who is sent on a mission.
You may be thinking "Well how can someone dislike that definition of a word?" and you are correct. Apart from the "sent by a church" part (seeing as I was solely sent by God, but anyways...) and the "attempts to persuade or convert others" (nah, I'm not a fan of this wording, I just love them with God's love and pray that they respond that's all) I guess I agree with the rest of it. So according to that definition aren't we all called by God to be "missionaries"? ("If you're not a missionary, then you're the mission field. There's no in between you're one or the other. Is it Jesus or yourself, to whom do you yield?") Guess I could start calling all of you back in the States missionaries too! But even still that hasn't really led to my dislike of the term. So to get back on track...
The stigma and ideals behind the term "missionary" are what bother me the most. Example: Let's say I meet someone new in the States and they ask me what my occupation is. I respond "I'm a missionary." What do you think is the first thing that pops into their mind? 1. I've been restricted to wearing long dresses and ridiculous looking attire 2. I don't have a clue what the "real" world (outside of my perfect bubble) is really about 3. you have to guard everything you so because God forbid you say something offensive 4. I have arrived to some supernatural level with God that is so admirable and inspirational. (and no, I'm not making those up. I've heard them all at some point in some way.)
1. Actually I wear whatever is cool and comfortable and to be in Manila, you have to be quite stylish so no super conservative attire here ;)
2. Haha! yeah right, I'm working with girls from the sex-industry try to get more "real" world than that!
3. (refer to #2) I've probably heard more in the past week and a half than most of you will your entire life. Nothing surprises me and we all suck at life at some point, so try me...
4. I know many of my friends have told me how amazing and inspirational I am and while I appreciate the sentiments and the comments (and words of affirmation are one of my love languages, so don't by any means, stop telling me! haha!) I do hope that behind the words you truly understand that I am no great person. I am such an ordinary person that it is ridiculous and more days than not I feel so completely inadequate to do what God has called me to do. The only thing that I can say about myself is that I love God and I love others. The "sacrifice" that I have made pales in comparison to the sacrifice that God has made for us and it is nothing to be admired. I have days that I doubt, days that I question, days that I want to give up, days that it's difficult to love...I'm normal, ordinary, average.
So use the term "missionary" as you would like, it doesn't offend me, like I said we're all called to be missionaries. But I ask that when you use that term, please know that I am merely a sinner saved by grace and loved unconditionally by my Father who saw fit to send me on an adventure to break my heart and to teach me how to love and to be loved.
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