My Provider...

Two weeks ago today, I was introduced to the amazing girls of Safe Refuge.  When we arrived, the Thursday Bible Study was getting ready to begin so we sat down to join the girls.  I sat beside Camille, a teeny tiny 17-year old girl who can’t be much bigger than most 10 year olds that I know.  She scooted over to get as far away as she could as she and the other girls laughed and laughed.   After the laughter died down, they explained that she was afraid I would smell her since she hadn’t had a chance to shower yet.  Her smile and humor immediately captivated my heart.

Tuesday through Friday I spend some time with each of the girls, usually in pairs in hopes that between the 2 of them they can translate enough English for us to understand each other!  Tuesdays are my days with Camille and Glenda.  This Tuesday we decided to go to MarketPlace (MP) which is just a little “mall” right down the road from Safe.  As we walked Camille, held onto my arm to make sure I didn’t get lost or hit by a car and Glenda followed close behind us.  Since this was the first time for us to hang out we started with the basic questions as we sat in Jollibee (the Filipino McD’s): how old are you, where are you from, how many siblings do you have, do you have a boyfriend (that’s their favorite one), etc.

However, after I had answered the basic questions, Camille dove right into the serious stuff.  She began telling me how sad she was and how she misses her “family” so much and that she cries herself to sleep almost every night.  I tried to remember her story (since Naomi attempted to give me short biographies of the residents) but placing her face with her name and then with her story was just beyond me.  So I asked her to tell me her story.  As she began talking, I quickly placed the story that I had been told (how could I forget it?!?!) with her face but I still wanted to hear it from her perspective, so I listened attentively. 

Her “father” (who could have just been a pimp who took in the children of his prostitutes and raised them for the sole purpose of making money for them) had taken her out of school after 2^nd grade so that she could begin working. She sold things and begged for money to take care of the rest of her family.  When she was 10 yrs old, her father cut and dyed her hair, sent her out with experienced prostitutes to properly train her, and began selling her to prospective male “clients”.  If she ever got out of line, a beating was sure to follow and did on occasion.  Fortunately, yes I said FORTUNATELY, Camille became pregnant at 16 (which may be debatable as we aren’t 100% sure of her exact age) right before her father was about to sell and traffic her to Japan.  Since pregnant girls are no good for the sex-industry, her father sent her to Safe.  It was the best thing he ever did for her.  Camille and her now 1-year old son are at Safe and are continuing to grow and heal so much emotionally and spiritually.  Camille dances on the dance team at church and it is so amazing to know her story and where she has come from and where she is now.  God really is able to turn the worst of all situations into something great.

But anyways back to her current issue of missing her father, the man who attempted to take everything away from her including her education and chance for a future, physically and emotionally abused her, sold her body, and exposed her to God only knows what diseases and experiences. Do you want to kill this horrible, horrible man who called himself a “father”? Yeah, I do too! But not her, she MISSES him….why in the world would she miss someone who treated her so inhumanely and caused so much pain??? I dealt with this with the foster children my family used to keep as well but I can’t become desensitized to it and my reaction is always the same: shock, confusion, mixed with a little anger. 

After calming myself down, I realized that God made us to long for a father figure so that we would long for Him. But when the only father that you have ever known is taken away from you, then I’m sure it is hard to cope regardless of the horrible things he may have done.  So I tried to explain to Camille that the only way for her to ever be free and truly satisfied is to let God (her heavenly father) fill the void and be the father that her earthly father could not be for her.  I explained to her that people are human and unfortunately, the human part of us WILL inevitably fail everyone at some point, there’s no way around it.  The ONLY one who will not fail us and who remains forever constant and stable is God and He is the one we need to put our complete trust into.

Later I began to wonder, how many times in our lives do we look in the wrong places for fulfillment and happiness? I know I am guilty of it far too often.  I look to others and trust them to meet my needs (mostly emotionally but in my current issue, financially as well) instead of looking to God to be my sole provider.  I have a tendency to look around EVERYWHERE else hoping that things will just magically appear before I turn to God for help.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Maybe that’s why we have so many problems and issues. We’re constantly searching for a human (who as I’ve said, is GOING to fail us) to give us everything we need when God is just hoping that we will turn to Him so that He can give us everything we need and more.  And, ironically, the only one who will never let us down, is the one who is great (capable of everything) and good (He’s happiest when we’re happy).  

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them 

is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 

Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."John 3:16