My Blog Has A New Home...

In case you don't know, I will be returning to Southeast Asia in January 2013 and in an effort to prepare for this next season in my life, I have decided to move this blog to daphnecheryl.com to assist with rebranding.  Please check it out and begin following me there! Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers!!!! :)

Sometimes my own words punch me in the face...

Found this blog on my computer and realized I never posted it either...should have though...

"A few nights ago I went out with one of my good friends here, at one point during the night she looked at me and asked “Are you afraid of forgetting?”  As random as this question may seem to you, it is one that I’ve turned around in my mind over and over as my time in the Philippines comes to an end.  I’ve been afraid of forgetting something for quite awhile but I haven’t been able to put my finger on what that “something” is.  Because you see, the people and experiences that I’ve had here, well honestly, they are impossible to forget.  I cannot forget the faces of the girls that I have come to love so deeply no matter how hard I try. They are forever a part of me.  It seems absurd to even think of a time before I knew them…what did I do, who was I before God revealed this immense capacity to love to me?  So forget them? Impossible! So what exactly am I afraid of forgetting?

Well, that night, when my friend asked me that question out loud, it hit me.  I’m not afraid of forgetting THEM, I’m afraid of forgetting ME.  This overwhelming joy, passion for life, I-can’t-believe-I-get-to-do-this feeling that I wake up to everyday, that I jump out of bed for, anxiously awaiting to tackle whatever comes my way and being completely thrilled out of my mind for every step that I am given to take.  There’s something that is so freeing in knowing that you get to live out your passion and love like there’s no tomorrow every single day.  And here, in the midst of blatant poverty, pain, and suffering, I can’t miss it, my passions surround me everywhere I go and the opportunities to love are right in front of me.  Being passionate and loving is easy here.  But what about when I go home, where everyone has a routine, where I will eventually settle into a routine…will I turn off my mind and heart to this madly passionate side of me? Will a routine and the tasks of the everyday “normal” turn me into something “normal”? Will I forget what freedom really feels like? Will I forget what overwhelming joy just being alive feels like? Will I wake up every day saying, “I can’t believe I get to do this” when what I’m doing seems “normal”?  Forgetting this me that this season in my life has revealed…now THAT is something to be afraid of.  

In an effort to not forget me, I’m writing this blog…probably the last one I write before I’m stateside and I see most of you again.  I’m begging you, the ones whom I love dearly, don’t expect to see the old Daphne.  The selfish, timid, confused, lost, and aimlessly wandering person who was bound by the lies of the past that you knew before is gone. When you see me, EXPECT someone different; EXPECT to get reacquainted with someone that you THOUGHT you knew; EXPECT me to be more passionate than ever; EXPECT me to love at a capacity that seems impossible; EXPECT me to show more grace and mercy than ever before; EXPECT me to change the world. Because even though I WILL fall short of your expectations, I need you to hold me to higher standards because only then will I not be able to forget me.

“Hi, I’m Daphne Cheryl Meeks. I’m passionate, loving, fearless, relentless, and unapologetic. It’s nice to meet you.”"

I dare you to challenge me...

So, I forgot to post a few blogs when I came back from the Philippines in June...apparently, forgetting to post them was a grave mistake.  You can't undo the past but in an effort to present a more hopeful future...I challenge you...

"I remember emailing my sister when I was in high school and she was here, in the Philippines, as a midwifery student.  Her words seemed to just flow off the screen and implant deep into my mind as I read them.  Every word carried so much weight that it could take me days just to process one paragraph.  The wisdom and experiences written in her emails left me dumbfounded every time. 

A couple years ago, when I was in undergrad and my sister was living with me, we looked back over some of the things she had written to me during her time abroad.  I remember her exclaiming “Oh! How deep and wise I was back then!” as she read her own words. 

At this point in my life, I can easily see what she meant.  Being here, away from all the drama and routine of every day American life, challenges us to think differently and the perspectives we can get on life while looking at it from the outside, are astounding.  It blows my mind the way I think and the way God so clearly speaks to me some days. 

As I think about my next step, I’m get nervous.  Not because there’s a specific city, state, or even country that I want (or don’t want) to be in or because there’s a specific job opening or course of study or even school that I want (or don’t want) to get in to.  Honestly, I’m really open to anywhere and anything that is placed before me right now.  But what scares me the most is that I’ll settle. That I’ll settle for routine. That I’ll settle for ordinary. That I’ll settle for mediocrity.  That I’ll settle for less than the best that God has planned for me.  And the worst part, that I’ll be happy with it.  Don’t get me wrong, I could be happy with ordinary and routine, I really could and I don’t necessarily think that I would be at fault for that.  But knowing what I know now and seeing what I see now, I don’t want to forget this side of life.  I don’t want to forget the dreams that are impossible on my own. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be called radical or extreme.  I don’t want to forget the billions of people who don’t know God’s unconditional love.  I don’t want to forget that some days are made for the unexpected. I don’t want to forget that I’m surrounded by the sacred.  I don’t want to forget this place where I am, right now, at this very moment. 

So come June 21^st, when I’m back in NC and I’m being tempted to get comfortable and settle back into my old routine, if you see me, will you promise me one thing? Promise me that you won’t let me forget; that you’ll challenge me by asking me difficult questions and refusing to be satisfied until I answer them; that you’ll invite me to lunch just to sit down and talk about the things and issues that are hard to swallow; that you’ll make me look at my own pictures and tell you stories of everything I’ve seen and hand me tissues to wipe my tears as I walk through them; that you’ll call me out when my heart starts to harden because I’ve decided the pain is too much to bear; that you’ll make me stay sensitive and compassionate when sarcasm and cynicism become all to easy to hide behind.  Go ahead, I dare you to challenge me…"

GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!!

So I haven’t posted a blog since I’ve been back in NC, not because I haven’t had anything to say but because I’ve had SO MUCH to say that I haven’t had time to analyze my thoughts and sit down long enough to put anything into words. 

As everyone can imagine, 8 months in a third world country inevitably leads to many experiences that bring their share of both laughs and tears.  To say that the entire 8 months were filled with fantastic, bright, sun-shiny days everyone all-smiles every day would be not only a horrible lie but a terrible misrepresentation of the pain and suffering that those experiences held and the immeasurable grace and unending mercy that God grants to cover it all.  As my time here goes along and I find more time to process my time abroad, I will be able to share more about those heart-breaking yet enriching experiences.  However, just as (if not even more) heart-breaking as what I experienced in the Philippines is what I have faced while being back in the states.  And while there are many issues that I could write about like the early sexualization of pre-teen girls (which I could and probably will go on about all day) or the stereotypes placed on prostitutes in the US (once again, I’ll address this in another blog), there is one issue that I just can’t avoid these days.  I mean literally, it has slapped me in the face over and over again since I have returned.  Know what that issue is???

Yes, race relations—I mean really people?!?! Why are we still so stuck on this? Why do I have to drive up to the gas pump to find business cards for the KKK stuck in the credit card slot? Why do I have to sit on my hands during dinners with friends and family just to keep from slapping them across the face for making insanely ignorant comments? People are dying from starvation and easily preventable diseases, children are being sold into sexual servitude, lost people are living hopeless lives, and desperate circumstances are forcing people to turn to drugs, violence, prostitution, etc.. And yet, we’re still arguing about racial differences!

I found a book tucked away in our basement from when I was a child.  It’s called “God Makes Us Different” by Helen Caswell.

There isn’t anybody just like me,

because God makes everybody different.

I guess when God has to make so many people,

it’s more fun to make them different.

It would be boring to make them all the same.

So he makes us different colours—brown and pink and tan.

And he makes all shapes and sizes.

And he puts curly hair on some and straight hair on others.

And some are boys and some are girls.

God makes some noisy ones and some quiet ones.

But though people look different on the outside,

on the inside, we are not different at all.

Everybody likes to eat.

And everybody needs to sleep.

Everybody cries, sometimes.

And everybody likes to laugh.

So I guess God makes our outsides all different, just for fun.

But he makes our insides all alike, and he loves us, every one.

I suppose I can thank the books like this that I read while growing up, along with many other things shaped and formed the way that I was taught to love anyone and everyone.  But what gets me is if I could grasp the concept that we are all equal years ago, why is it taking everyone else so long to catch on?

I guess there are many reasons why this issue hurts me so deeply. Maybe its because I expect the people I love most and have known the longest to not be so ignorant and to fight for justice a little bit more. Or maybe its because I’ve been blind to the injustice for so long that I’m angry at myself for not recognizing it earlier.  Or maybe it’s the fact that I just don’t understand what the issue is because I can honestly say that when I’m around others of different races, I REALLY don’t pay ANY attention to race whatsoever! Or maybe it’s because this issue of race has been beaten to death for years and it is way past the MOVE ON point.  Or maybe its because my eyes have been opened to so many other injustices that it makes me downright sick to my stomach that we waste time analyzing skin color instead of coming together to work and end issues like the modern day slavery that is happening in our own backyards.  

For God so loved the world...

I grew up in church, attending and participating in Easter services since I was 3 months old and I haven’t missed a single one since.  I’ve heard the Resurrection story and taken communion more times than I can count.  I could quote John 3:16 by the time I was 4 years old. I gave my life to Christ when I was 7 but it took 15 years for me to fully understand what that meant and to completely comprehend how vast and incomprehensible God’s love is for me.  And yet, I have never been as overwhelmed and speechless at the thought of God’s love as I am right now as the Easter season begins yet again. 

Whether it’s because it is my first Easter away from home, the heavy atmosphere of Holy Week that is spread all across the Philippines, where I am in my walk with Christ right now or a combination of the 3, I’m not sure. But over the past couple weeks, I have sat in total awe and wonder that not only could someone love such a horrible sinner like me that He would send His only son to die a cruel and awful death for MY redemption and to pay the price of MY sin; but that He would call me to do something as great as telling others about that very love and sacrifice.  And it’s at that moment that the only words my mouth can utter is, “I can’t believe I get to do this!”

 I know I say that a lot but really, think about it.  He could’ve sent anyone, chosen anybody to do what I do everyday.  I’m inadequate, I don’t have the right skills or experience for this job, I’m not a fabulous speaker or writer, I’ve screwed up more times than anyone knows, I battle my selfish tendencies every day, I doubt God and the fact that He knows what’s best for me…nothing about me says that I should be here loving on these amazing girls and showing God’s love like this…NOTHING! But for all of my inadequacies, God makes up for them and then goes beyond anything I could ever imagine or dream.  This isn’t something I HAVE to do, He could’ve sent someone else…but He CHOSE me, and this is what I GET to do!

And so I sit overwhelmed by His love and grace and I say again…”I can’t believe I get to do this…”

Language Barriers: The Expected and the Unexpected

So, as one may assume, language has been somewhat of a barrier for me since I arrived in the Philippines since English is not the national language…I knew that before I arrived.  But even though the English/Tagalog barrier is difficult some days, I can understand a fair amount of Tagalog now and although I don’t really speak it, I can get around just fine as a lot of Filipinos can speak or understand some English.  However, there are times when talking with Filipinos (who are fluent in English) that conversations just DO NOT go the way you expect them to. And while sometimes it can be frustrating, when you are really trying to get a point across, most of the time it’s just downright hilarious…for example:

One day after working out with my trainer, I was talking to one of the staff members of Safe Refuge who is also my workout buddy and dear friend.  I was grimacing in pain from my legs as I sat down and turned to my ate and said: “Man, Jake really kicked my butt today. Did he kick yours?”  She looks at me with a very concerned and near horrified expression as she exclaims: “NO! Why would you let him kick your butt?!?!” After a few seconds, her exclamation registered in my head and I erupted into laughter and nearly fell onto the floor as I held my stomach and wiped the tears from my cheeks that my laughter had produced.  After I was able to compose myself I told Marybeth (one of my roommates) about the conversation. After Marybeth regained her composure, we explained to the Filipinas what the expression “kick your butt” means.  A collective “Ahhhh…” let us know that they got it.

So as you can see there are 2 barriers with language: 1.) Tagalog versus English and 2.) the millions of every day American idioms.  I was fairly prepared for those issues before I got here and I think I’ve tried to adjust my vocabulary accordingly. However, just recently, a new issue has surfaced between my 2 fellow American (who are from Florida, have NC roots, and speak English as their first language) roommates and me. Now whether it’s from my lack of sleep, the hours of Southern pastors’ sermons that I listen to, or if I’ve just now become comfortable enough to quit subconsciously correcting my words before they come out of my mouth…regardless of the reason, my southern side has apparently been making an appearance a lot more. For example:

1.) I was walking down the sidewalk talking to Marybeth.  “Have you ever heard of the Forward Conference?” I asked.  “The Forward Conference?” she repeated.  “Yes, the Forward Conference,” I confirmed. “No, what is it?” she asked.  I proceeded to explain the details of the Forward Conference to her.  Later that night, back in the apartment, I was showing Marybeth the promo video for Forward Conference on their website when she exclaims, “OH! FOR-WARD!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING FORD...LIKE THE CAR!!!” Some may call Southern English lazy because we like to combine syllables (like FOR-WARD into Ford) but I like to call it resourceful, no need to waste extra syllables on words when they aren’t really needed…except in cases like this, where they actually are needed…hmmm…

2.)  The other night, my roommates and I were sitting together talking about our mothers and some of the disciplinary techniques they used on us when we were growing up.  “Yeah my mom liked to use the flyswatter,” I said.  Marybeth laughed, “A glass of water?!?!” Naomi and I joined in on the laughter, as I repeated, “NO! A FLY SWATTER!” “Ohhhh!!! A FLY SWATTER!!!!” they exclaimed.  Apparently FLY (with a distinctive “I” at the end) is NOT the same as fly (with almost 2 syllables).  It’s okay though, I like my sprite, light, right, fight, and bright too…hehe!

Oh, the joys of being a misplaced Southerner, haha! I love my roots and I love even more that they go with me, wherever I go! So here’s to yall, my fellow North Carolinians…”North Carolina raised and proud: where summer starts in April, front porches are wide, and words are long; where “yall” is a proper pronoun; where we have lightning bugs not fireflies; where macaroni & cheese is a vegetable, pecan pie is a staple, tea is sweet, chicken is fried, and biscuits come with gravy; where everything is darling or precious and someone is always getting their heart blessed.”

"If I had it my way, I'd have every girl sent to North Carolina to learn 

to smile and talk with that accent that drives me wild." - Hank Williams

5 Mistakes I Seem to Make Over and Over...

I was feeling inspired by a sermon from Steven Furtick at Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC.  As I've posted before, I watch and listen online to several pastors across the US and Pastor Steven is one of them, technology is a wonderful thing! Some of these “mistakes” are directly from Pastor Steven (which makes me feel kind of relieved knowing that an amazing pastor of one of the fastest-growing mega churches in the US makes the same mistakes I do…just hope I can get some of the things right that he gets right too…) while others are my own, separate struggles that God is working through with me.  Maybe you can relate?

1.  Waiting for the destination instead of celebrating the journey. (Thank you Mr. Furtick)

I know those closest to me have to get frustrated at how I am constantly looking for the next step or needing answers for the future for quite some time now…probably since junior year of high school! I don’t know how they put up with me, honestly.  I get so caught up in figure out where I’m going that I forget where I’m at.  Now, I think looking forward and having a vision is important but when it distracts you from what God has called you to do NOW and it gets in the way of your current calling, then it becomes a problem…a problem, I’m all too familiar with.  It’s important to remember that the journey to the destination is what prepares us, strengthens us, and teaches us and without the journey, we’d never make it to the destination. With all that in mind, I'm slowly learning to stop and celebrate not only where I am, but where I've been.

2.  Thinking that I have to fully understand in order to completely obey. (Mr. Furtick, thanks again!)

This goes hand-in-hand with #1.  I am constantly looking for the final destination and every step that leads to that place that I get caught up in having to know every detail before I’ll step out on faith to start something.  I’m one of those people who has to read every direction from point a to point b before I’ll even leave my driveway or every step in assembling something before I touch the first screw…which doesn’t completely fit my spastic and spontaneous personality but nevertheless…it’s what I do.  I like to be in control of all aspects of what I’m doing and where I’m going and if I’m not, then complete panic mode sets in and I freeze like a deer in headlights.  A part of me expects something, like its my right to know what the God of the universe has up His sleeve for my life and that my sheep brain (in comparison) should be able to know and understand all the details of it.  Ironic that a SHEEP should want or expect to UNDERSTAND the plans and ways of an almighty, omniscient GOD?!?! Crazy sounding now that I put it that way, of course I'll never completely understand...but I can't let that keep me from obeying.

3.  Letting “swagger-jackers” steal my joy. (I could have never even acted like I came up with that one on my own so, really, thank you Mr. Furtick!)

It’s true, often times I find myself looking for approval and affirmation from others around me and if they aren’t as excited about something as I am, then before you know it, they’ve stolen every bit of enthusiasm that I had for it.  It’s IMPOSSIBLE to follow Jesus and make everyone around you happy…Jesus upset quite a number of people (which ultimately ended in His DEATH!) so if we’re truly following Him and trying to be like Him, then it doesn’t make much sense to think that we would please everyone along the way. But nevertheless, I oftentimes find myself falling prey to the words of others around me.  I try to remind myself that everything I do is all for an audience of ONE, because from that perspective, everything and everyone else fades away and all that remains is ALL that matters.

4.  Being skeptical and cynical instead of trusting and confident.

Skeptical--not convinced that something is true; doubtful; tending to mistrust people, ideas, etc, in general

Cynical-- distrustful or contemptuous of virtue, especially selflessness in others; believing the worst of others, especially that all acts are selfish; sarcastic; mocking; showing contempt for accepted standards of behavior, especially of honesty or morality

I often joke that skepticism and cynicism are my signature sins…but they really are.  I don’t know if it’s my generation, my personality, or the many times that I have put people on a pedestal and idolized them, only to watch them disappoint me when they fall.  Because they do fall, they ALL fall. Because they are human, we are ALL human.  And because humans make mistakes, we ALL make mistakes.  But regardless, of why I tend to be skeptical and cynical, I am.  My sister probably knows this best above everyone and can usually tell what I’m thinking as she talks about someone or something new.  I immediately start pulling it apart and analyzing why it CAN’T possibly be true or legit.  And while sometimes my feelings may be correct, a lot of times they aren’t and by that point, I’ve already reached horrible conclusions before even giving ideas the chance to thrive.  This one is hard to overcome, but one thing that has made an impact on me is being surrounded by people who are trusting and confident in not only themselves but others around them as well...it's contagious!

5.  Not believing that God loves me for who I am, instead of what or how much I do.

It’s easy to quote scriptures and know that God loves me unconditionally and in my head, I know it’s true.  But in reality, most days, my actions show that I don’t really believe it.  I run around from one place to another working and trying to stay busy, engaging in meaningful conversations, fixing this problem, loving on this person, praying for this and that, feeding the hungry, hugging on the broken, and so on.  And while I think God loves that I like doing that, He doesn’t love me any more for doing it or any less for NOT doing it.  Often times, I get so caught up in doing things that I forget what it means to be loved and that sometimes I just need to sit and let the lover of my soul talk to me and love me for me not for anything I’ve done or anything I will do, just me for me.

These 5 in no way exhaust my list of mistakes…I make plenty more…but thank God He doesn’t give up on me, even on my most stubborn of days.  And the fact that He’s chosen me to live a life that is far more amazing than I could ever dream of or ever come close to deserving, reveals just how vast and amazing His grace really is. Every day I stand in complete awe and amazement of Him and the life He has chosen for me…I can’t believe I get to do this.

some days i think in tweets/statuses...

...and this is one of those days. There's been far too many moments that I could write as a status in the 4 hours I've been awake...too many to actually post on Facebook but too many to not blog about, so here they are:


1. To the thousand plus mall cops doing marching drills to the live drum line in the mall parking lot at 7am: I can't decide if I should be more afraid or feel more secure while shopping but either way your dedication and commitment definitely earns you the right to a segway...no worries, I'll take it up with SM :)


2.  To the 60+ woman who loves to get down during the dancing aerobics classes: I've been trying to decide for the past few weeks if you were entertaining or disturbing...I figured it out today, you're entertaining because you're disturbing...kind of like a train wreck of sorts...but I admire your enthusiasm.


3.  To my iPod shuffle setting, Hillsong, and Casey Vernon: "This is How We Overcome" with dance moves and a treadmill do NOT go together...just FYI...


4.  I will be going blonde again tonight...and if I thought it would draw any more attention than random dance parties and a perfected cat walk down the sidewalk at Mega already do, then I may reconsider, but at this point...what the heck????


5.  To the anti-smoking organizations: If your commitment to stop smoking was only half as effective as American Tobacco Companies' commitment to spread smoking in the developing world, maybe I wouldn't have to involuntarily smoke 5 packs each time I walk to the mall...


6.  To my beloved Tar Heels: While I should be sad that we lost, I'm not...because had we advanced to the Final Four (and Championship) and I NOT been near Franklin Street, I would've been sooooo much more upset!!! 


...I'm sure I'll continue this as the day progresses :)

dew, really???

crazy dreams=intense conversations with my sister=receiving deep, thoughtful, wise advice...or sometimes things like this:

dew!

dew! you are freakin dew!

gone by lunchtime

you only lay on the grass and reflect the sun's glorious rays

that's all you were called to do...

haha! i love my sister's advice/analogies :)

Getting to Philly...

I follow several blogs but there are 2 that I follow on a regular basis, Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC and Pastor Perry Noble of NewSpring Church in Anderson, SC.  These are excerpts from their blogs, both posted on March 17^th.

“There are very few non-stop flights to God’s will...I’ve concluded that you can’t script out what God wants to do through your life. You just have to follow it step-by-step…God knows how to get you to where He wants you. Even if it doesn’t seem like the most direct route that you’d prefer…Don’t be afraid to go to Atlanta to go to Philly.
 God’s going to get you to Philly. And He’s got something for you in Atlanta in the meantime.” Steven Furtick, Elevation Church www.stevenfurtick.com

“I cannot possibly expect to have a complete and detailed plan from God that tells me exactly what His plans are for the next 20 years.  (“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105) – He doesn’t promise to let us see years in advance, but He does promise to show us our next step!” Perry Noble, NewSpring Church www.perrynoble.com

Now, I don’t know about you but I think God may be trying to tell me something…hmmmm…

Dreaming of and only settling for Philly but enjoying an adventurous layover in Atlanta…wonder what my next Atlanta is? Or is Philly the next stop? I love this crazy, exciting, and adventurous thrill ride we call life!!!!

My Treadmill-Inspired God Moment

While on the treadmill at the gym this morning, I was thinking…”How can I work so hard for so long and when I get off this thing, I’ll be in the exact same place as when I started?” I know what you’re thinking, “Well duh, that’s the point.” But really, I literally spend hours on one of those things every week and I pour tons of energy into it…I even get up at 5:30 every morning just to get on a treadmill and….GO NOWHERE?!?! Nonsense, isn’t it?

Now you probably think you know where I’m going with this, it’s probably where I went first with it in my mind…you know, the pretty literal idea of working towards something but not getting anywhere and the need to make sure we’re moving forward and not getting stuck…but today I went in a different direction with this analogy.

Because even though I physically didn’t go anywhere, changes were happening internally that people couldn’t see on the outside.  I did burn a lot of calories, I did increase my energy level, and I did train my muscles and heart to endure longer distances and more intense situations.  And because of that, if I ever do have to race then I’ll be more prepared for it. Whether where I ended up LOOKED any different to me or not, changes did take place.   

Isn’t that like our spiritual lives sometimes? We’re in situations where we feel like we’re constantly beating our heads up against the wall, saying the same things over and over, trying to help people who just don’t seem like they want to be helped, reading the same chapter in the Bible over and over trying to make sense of it, praying just to feel like our words aren’t going any further than the ceiling, trying to get people to understand our passions and after the millionth time of explaining we realize they still aren’t getting it…working so hard trying to get somewhere but realize that hours later, we’re still in the same place as when we started.


But it’s through our endurance that God works in us and changes ARE happening in us from our endurance and faithfulness even if we don’t see the results with our physical eyes.  Those internal changes are gradually strengthening and training our spiritual relationship and are shaping us to become better followers of Christ.  God puts us in those places and situations sometimes to train and prepare us for a big race in the future that we can’t see yet.  And if it weren’t for the times and seasons of training that He allows us to experience, when it comes time for the big races, we would have to quit before we were finished running it. 

That perspective makes me more thankful for and less frustrated over the times that I've had to tell my friends the same things over and over or the times I've chased after the same girl begging her to realize their value or the times I've sat and cried because someone just didn't get it. I'm learning to appreciate the training process. I don’t want to have to quit the race because I wasn’t prepared to endure it…I want to finish it, and to finish it well.  So for the times of training that I’ve had, am having, and will have…thank you, because I know that through them you are strengthening me to be able to endure when the next big race comes around and to finish it well. 

So I hope you appreciate the training and see enduring through your situations as a blessing…because the preparation and training will be worth it in the big race…and the payoff for finishing well, will be worth it! :) 

so tell me what ya want, what ya really really want...

Just so you know, I haven’t forgotten about my blog…I’ve been thinking for awhile now of what to write but I haven’t been able to come up with anything.  While talking to my sister today via Skype, having a normal conversation, catching each other up on what’s going on in our lives and figuring things out and making plans…after she figures a few things of her own out, she says…”Wow! Look how much we’ve accomplished! What else do we need to solve?” My response (as it normally is), “My future.” Her very wise response?

“’What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while.’ James 4:14 Solved. Next.”

Now, maybe that was solution enough for some people…but I wasn’t buying it, not today.  I need a little more to hold on to, a little more concrete…a little less spiritual.  But she was determined to make me get it, so the conversation continued and it went a little something like this:

What should I do in this one second that will impact my next 5 billion years and others too? Are you going to regret it if your parents die and u were off in some other land instead of spending time here with them? So I missed them, for a second, but I get to be with them for 5 billion years, big deal!...God has our future and he said he has a plan for us.  Now, I believe he has great plans for us here on earth, but even if he doesn't, this is eternity we are talking about. Here’s where it gets tricky, this also means that God created us to do something in one second and are we going after what God created us for? What were we created for? We were made to llllooooovvvveeeeee!!!! And no matter if we decide to be a missionary in china where we could die, or a doctor in new york, or a huladancer in Hawaii, our calling is still to LOVE!

 Would God have made it so hard for us to do something and live somewhere so specific that we can't even figure it out and we end up worrying everyday if we are doing enough, when accepting Jesus and grace and mercy are so freaking easy??? I think we make it way more complicated than God ever intended. Why cant we just be and do what we love...so that by doing that we can love even more? Maybe just maybe, if we all really worked really hard to truly love God, read His love letters to use, do what we love and love everybody then we'd end up exactly where we needed to be, doing exactly what we were created to do and fulfilling God's purpose for our lives without all the stress of figuring out our futures.

So anyway, in an effort to convince ourselves of this, we decided to write down everything we wanted…and I mean EVERYTHING…and we were specific: from seemingly ridiculous wants like swimming with dolphins, getting my Droid back, hunting in Canada with my daddy, playing the violin, and going to Ireland to the more “serious” wants like seeing millions of girls realize their worth and beauty before they graduate high school, changing the world, to forgive people from middle school who impacted the way I feel about myself to this day, to be brave, to see miracles, to be heard, to see God move mightily on my behalf, and on and on and on the list continues…

I ended up with 6 pages of “wants” and I’m still adding to it.  I wrote them down, every single one, and as God answers them…I’ll check them off.  Because you see, every last “want” is important to our heavenly father. He gave us those desires for a reason…and who knows maybe I’ll have the opportunity to meet an amazing person while I’m in the Verizon store getting my Droid or maybe I’ll meet my future husband while skydiving or maybe I’ll have the opportunity to change someone’s life by smiling at them in the airport on my way to Ireland.  I don’t know God’s plans but I do know that we are constantly surrounded by the sacred and in every second, in every way, whether what we are doing “seems” to be divinely planned or not, it is and if we are looking for Him in every situation, then we’ll find Him and by finding Him, we find our purpose. So if you’re like me, floundering around ONCE AGAIN searching for the next step, I challenge you to write down your wants…every last one.

And then, we ended our conversation with this prayer. It’s my prayer for your wants as well…

Dear God, I am a firm believer that the desires of our heart were placed there by You therefore making them your will and, while feeding the hungry may be more important than going floundering or skydiving, that as Your children, You will move heaven and earth to make us happy. So here we are, joined together, believing in You for the impossible, telling You all of our hopes and dreams. We don't need a detailed map; we just need to know our Father has planned it out. We just need the next step.  We know You've already told us a million times but here we are again this time...learning to be quiet and to say that what You want for me is even better than all the wants I've said...we’re trusting in You for nothing but the very best!

Fifteen...

Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

When you're fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin round.

In your life, you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team.
I didn't know it at fifteen...
I've found that time can heal most anything, and you just might find who you're supposed to be,
I didn't know who I was supposed to be, at fifteen.

Now, in all fairness, I was fully warned about the emotional effect this song could have on me long before I really got to know our girls at Safe and yet every time I hear it, it still stops me in my tracks. I seriously doubt that Taylor Swift thought about teenage girls coming out of prostitution when she wrote that song. But the realities of those words for our girls are astounding and I could write an entire blog on that. However, today this song hit me a little differently as I couldn't help but sing it over and over in my head while looking at a couple teenage girls' (from back home) Facebook pages. Pictures with their boyfriends graced their wall with captions like "Love of my life" or "You're the only one I want in my future" along with pictures of themselves proving that, somewhere in their past, someone told them they weren't beautiful. Now don't get me wrong, these girls didn't think twice about the things they posted and they are no different than MOST 15 year old girls in America, which breaks my heart more than consoles it. It is in my brokenness (and not criticism, honestly) that I write this blog.

So what has led the youth of America to looking for "love" in relationships that last maybe 2 months and what is this "love" they say they've found? Why are they settling for acceptance and conformity instead of daring to be different and treading new paths? Where the heck are the ones who are responsible for them? Why isn't anyone standing up to bridge the gap? Why is this generation allowed to be called hopeless and worthless? Somewhere in the pasts of our youth, someone was able to crush their dreams, kill their self-esteem, and succeed in making them believe that this is as good as it gets. The media is giving them unrealistic images that they are supposed to live up to and body types that are only found in picture editing programs. So they look to eating disorders, promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, depression, relationships, etc. to fill the void and to satisfy that longing for something, anything, to make them feel valued.

What's the solution? Well, I think Miss Taylor Swift said it perfectly..."You just might find who you're supposed to be..." Yep, show them who they're supposed to be, who they can be, who they are CALLED to be.  Steven Furtick said "They don't need rules to live by, they need a calling to live for." Now, before you run off and decide to let your youth go buck wild because of that statement, let me explain. For so long, we have sat by and given them reasons and accepted their excuses for their behaviors, believing the lies of the world that this generation really is good for nothing. And instead of addressing the source of their actions, we give them rules: no PDA (and God forbid we even start to discuss sex...ahhhh!!!!), no alcohol, drugs, etc., sit still, quit texting, quit talking, don't do this, don't do that...blah, blah, blah...and you know what happens? Even the ones who are being "good" at church, if they don't have a firm foundation on the love of Christ and who they are in Him, are discovering ways to live two totally different lives seemingly independent of each other; one at church and one away from church. Trust me, I know, I did it long enough myself. But I refuse to settle for that for our youth. We've let "they've just had a really hard life" or "their parents abused them and left them" turn into "they're worthless and just getting them to come to church is doing good" and it has become the norm. But I beg to differ, "To be a star, you must shine your own light, following your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest." Yes, their backgrounds are quite complex and troubling but that didn't disqualify any other great leaders who have stood on this earth or any of the disciples either and I believe that's exactly WHY they are destined for greatness.  The youth of today are living in and with some of the darkest times that we have experienced; the perfect condition for stars to shine brightly! It's time we stand up and show them what it's like to live in a calling, to walk in a destiny, and to claim the greatness that God has earnestly called us to. We have to give them something worth living and dying for, a vision to strive towards, and a dream and hope to cling to.

This generation is, without a doubt, destined for greatness and hand-chosen by God to lay aside everything and to totally rock this world. I refuse to stand in the way of that, so I've taken it as my personal responsibility to make sure that every young person that I have the chance to mentor knows that they are capable of changing the world and I, for one, will be behind them every step (and stumble) along the way. Cheering them on, picking them up, crying with them, laughing with them, slapping sense into them (I didn't say they were always rational beings!), and loving them unconditionally. I hope you'll be brave enough to join me in taming these hurricanes into bright shining stars :)

My First 7 Lessons of 2011

1.  God really does know what He’s doing when He puts certain people in our lives and sometimes going back to those people is the best therapy any psychologist could ever prescribe.

I spent the first few days of 2011 with my incredible sister and although we have arguments just like all other siblings, she knows me better than anyone else and knows what I’m saying even when I’m not speaking.  She thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is absolutely hilarious and we tend to go back to our childhood days of hysterical laughter and giddiness whenever we’re together.  What gets me the most though, is when she quotes something that I said years ago; 1. because I didn’t think she ever actually listened to me and 2. psh, whatever, I give bad advice so come up with something else to make me feel better, haha!

2.  Two things are needed to cure any problem: fresh air and mangoes.

After only a couple months in Manila, I had forgotten that there were places in the world with trees and grass and green stuff around, let alone air that is fresh enough that you feel safe to take deep breaths without wondering how many years it is taking off your life. And if mangoes can’t put a smile on your face, well I don’t know what can…

3.  When a But-But man walks by carrying a prized native chicken into the kitchen, you know what your dinner plans are and there’s no way you would ever think about turning them down.

And I’m glad it wasn’t an option…my favorite meal so far! Yummy native chicken, native rice, and ginger soup!!!

4.  The words “osawa asna” have the ability to make you smile and get extremely nervous as all get out at the same time.

First of all those words translate to “husband here.”  The reason they make me smile: 1. its mostly said by the elderly people which means they like and approve of you enough that they want you to stick around so marriage is clearly the best option to making sure that you’ll be back to visit and 2. it means they really care about you and your well-being and the thought of you being alone scares the crap out of them and just to make sure you’re happy and taken care of, they’re willing to give up their son.  However, that also means that marriage plans and arrangements get thrown at you all the time and you have to be super careful because you eat the wrong pig or dance the wrong dance and BAM! you find yourself married without even knowing what hit you.

5.  A guy can be strong enough to carry a 500 lb log up and down a mountain, including over 500 stairs, but still shy enough to need the encouragement of 15 other guys before working up the courage to say hello.

They can sing the courting song (with a little remix to add in “American” and “white girls”) in the church, which just happened to be right beside the house we were staying in (convenient), without any reservation.  But God forbid they let us see their faces when they speak to us (so you can imagine how rare/nonexistent hugs are, which is really difficult for a person whose love language is physical touch such as myself. So warning to yall back home...get ready for the hug fest when I return!!!) Apparently, letters (for all you kids, these are things that you write on a piece of paper with a pen that you hold in your hand, very 90’s) are how the guys here show interest/propose a date (which is a whole other blog for another time).  I really don’t see how anyone ends up married here…which makes #3 even more complex…

6.  Once someone has a part of your heart, they have it forever and nothing, not even 5 years of time or thousands of miles, can take it back.

Oh Maritess…how I love that girl!  Five years ago a dirty, little 6 year old stole my heart (and all my cookies) and not a day went by that I didn’t think about her.  I know I annoyed Crystal to death by asking about her 24/7.  After so much time, I assumed that she would have forgotten me or at least not been able to recognize me if she saw me again…I couldn’t have been more wrong.  As we were walking down the mountain on our way to Bugnay, she was coming up.  I knew who she was the moment I saw her and from her reaction she knew me as well.  She was smiling from ear to ear and met up with us in Bugnay right after we made it there.  It was clearly evident that she knows shes my favorite as she walked around telling everyone my name with this “Yeah, I’m her favorite and I can get by with anything” attitude (she was right).  She didn’t leave my side until we left 2 days later.  Nothing has changed, even 5 years later, I’m still plotting ways to sneak her into my suitcase and bring her with me wherever I go…I’ll let you know how it works out!

7.  I can ride the fastest, most-dangerous roller coasters with a smile on my face. I can get tattoos without flinching.  I can have 16 gauge needles pierced through my body without even thinking twice about it.  I can leave my entire way of life and comfort to work with girls in the developing world, which brings its own lists of risks, without even considering it to be a sacrifice.  I’ve done a lot of things, been a lot of places, loved a lot of people but there’s only one thing that’s ever made me shake in my skin with fear, literally.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin with this one besides the fact that the only thing that’s bigger in the Philippines is the rats…and by bigger, I’m talking American cat size bigger.  I woke up the second night in Bugnay to the dog making a terrible whining sound, the screeching of nails against the tin wall, fur rustling against the wall above my head, and a loud thud against the floor.  As I lay there, now obviously wide awake, I curled up close to Crystal praying that she would wake up and save me from this wretched nightmare.  (Side Note: “The Lord is Gracious and Compassionate” seemed appropriate to sing during this time, and I tried, but considering the Lord had just allowed an unearthly-sized beast that was clearly forged in the deepest parts of hell into my room, I was definitely questioning His graciousness AND compassion.)  Thankfully, she woke up. Unthankfully, she fussed at me for squishing her against the wall and fell back to sleep almost immediately (even after I told her about this beast-sized rodent).  The 3 Filipina girls (who were sleeping on the floor, yikes, I know) knocked it away in their sleep as it ran over them and it left our room, finally.  I decided to try to sleep but as soon as I closed my eyes, the pigs went crazy and yep, in came the rat, again.  This time I shot straight up, wide-eyed, and clawing my nails into Crystal’s leg (like that would save me). Crystal hit my back as she said “What in the world is wrong with you?!?!” As I was reiterating the story of this monstrous rat, it ran across the beam in the ceiling and let out some horrible “squeeks.” Finally, Crystal agreed that I was right.  As I sat up I followed the sounds of the rat around the pitch-black room.  I could hear every step it took, every sniff it made, and every sneeze (yes, rats sneeze).  Ugh! I shivered in disgust! The girls on the floor ran it off again, thank God! But this time, the rat went after the chicken and unfortunately, the chicken wasn’t so lucky.  Yep, that’s right, the rat KILLED the chicken! Poor thing but lucky me because this time, the neighbors woke up and chased the rat away (of course it was back into our room but at least someone else was aware!).  it stayed in our room awhile until the girls knocked it out again and finally the neighbors ran it off away from our house.  Of course by this point it was daylight and time for everyone to get up anyways.  One huge rat, a wimpy dog, some terrorized pigs, a dead chicken, and a sleep-deprived Daphne…sounds like a successful last night in Bugnay. 

Just because a blog should never end with a story and visions that would cause nightmares, 

I'll let it end with a few outrageously adorable faces!!!! :)